Wednesday 14 January 2015 19:30, UK
Ben Flower has told Sky Sports News HQ’s Fraser Dainton he is hoping to meet up and shake hands with Lance Hohaia in the future.
Three months on, the Wigan prop says he is "devastated" about the incident where he was sent off for punching Hohaia in last year's Super League Grand Final against St Helens.
Flower is now back in full training following an unprecedented 13-match ban and could return against Warrington on April 16.
“I think about it every day,” Flower said in an exclusive interview. “If I could take it back, I would, every day of the week. The things that have come off the back of it have been hard. But letting people down was the hardest - the players, the club and my family. It’s been tough for me, but it’s been tougher for them.”
The game was so intense, and I’ve naturally just thrown a punch. I’ve got no recollection of throwing the second. I don’t know why I threw it. I don’t know why I couldn’t hold myself back.
The Wigan prop forward inadvertently made history, becoming the first player to be sent off in a Grand Final. Having punched Hohaia in the face, Flower went in for a second, while the St Helens player lay helpless on the floor. In a flash, he was rugby league’s public enemy No 1.
Now, after being banned from the game for six months, Flower has told Sky Sports News HQ his side of the story – and says he still cannot understand in his own mind why he did it.
“I think the frustration of knocking on, then getting hit from the side made me react in a way I’ve never reacted before,” he said. “The game was so intense, and I’ve naturally just thrown a punch. I’ve got no recollection of throwing the second. I don’t know why I threw it. I don’t know why I couldn’t hold myself back.”
In front of 77,000 people at Old Trafford, and millions watching on television, when the red card came out, Flower says it was the shock of a lifetime.
“I was devastated. It hit home then, letting my team-mates down - they had to play the rest of the Grand Final on their own. I went in to the changing rooms, and wanted to be on my own so I went in to the shower rooms, away from the cameras, and sat there thinking to myself - what have I done - repeating in my head - what have I done?”
The unprecedented reaction came from all over the world. “That was when it really hit hardest, knowing I was hated by everyone at the time, knowing you’re trending on Twitter. For me, as the type of person who wants to be friends with everyone, that’s where I started thinking. 'this is bad, how am I going to get over it, get through this, and tell people how sorry I am?”
For his part, Hohaia bares no grudge – something Flower appreciates.
“I can’t thank St Helens and Lance enough,” he says. “I’d look forward to meeting him, and hope there will be a handshake and a chat. I know he didn’t take it to heart.”
Flower accepts his punishments, and now realises just how much his actions have affected his career, his club, Wigan as a town and rugby league as a sport. “Knowing that I’ve lost them the Grand Final - that’s the toughest thing. I know I didn’t just spoil the fans’ day, but their whole season.”
For Flower it is now a case of him getting his head down, working hard, and coming back a better player than ever before as he tries to redeem himself. He does not want pity, but hopes for forgiveness, and another chance.
“I will give everything I’ve got to hopefully get us back there this season. I will try my hardest to be the best player I can.”
