Carlisle reveals his battle with depression
Last Updated: October 5, 2012 10:19am
Clarke Carlisle told The Footballers' Football Show he tried to commit suicide during his time at QPR.
"My physio at QPR knew of it but it was such a taboo and there was a disbelief it had happened. When my physio asked if I was ok I laughed it off."
Clarke Carlisle Quotes of the week
The York City defender, who has had spells at Leeds United, Burnley and Watford, is working to tackle the issue of depression in football in his role as PFA Chairman.
Depression was the topic of this week's show - and Carlisle revealed his own battles with mental illness had taken him to extreme measures.
"Your thought processes when you're going through depression is utterly illogical," he said. "Some of the things that were going through my head when I was at my lowest there was just no rationale for and I couldn't explain it to you now.
"I tried to commit suicide when I was at Queens Park Rangers when I was injured. I took 56 Co-proxamol and had to have my stomach pumped. The next day they said 'you've got to see a psychiatrist before you can be released from hospital'. The psychiatrist said 'how are you feeling?' I said I was ok, so he said 'off you go'. I was back at work the next day and it was never addressed again.
"My physio at QPR knew of it but it was such a taboo and there was a disbelief it had happened. When my physio asked if I was ok I laughed it off.
"But that was a reflection of my state of mind at that time, that I thought things were so bad I didn't want to be anymore."
Carlisle also said on the show he continues to battle depression, but it is hard to explain why it affects people in the way it does.
"I can remember 18 months ago - not that I was having suicidal tendencies again - having the thought process that 'maybe people are better off without me'," he said.
"It's a real detachment from reality. I can understand people have gone to those places but I could not explain why. There's no rhyme or reason to the thought processes which go through your head - they're illogical."