Former Bolton midfielder Fabrice Muamba admits he finds it difficult to watch football after being forced into retirement.
The ex-England U21 international suffered a cardiac arrest during an FA Cup tie at Tottenham in March, with his heart stopping for 78 minutes.
He has gone on to make a miraculous recovery and initially refused to rule out making a return to competitive action.
Muamba did, however, hang up his boots on the eve of the current campaign on medical advice, after it was revealed that he suffered a second scare over the summer, and has revealed that he now finds it hard to watch others taking part in a game which once ruled his life.
Speaking at an event being staged at Bolton's Reebok Stadium home, he said: "I haven't come here as much as I would have liked to come here because I find it hard to watch football sometimes.
"I get very frustrated and I get very angry. I question myself, 'why me?', but I just have to accept the fact that it's never going to be the same again.
"At the same time, I just enjoy life.
"A typical day is spending time with my family and I do the stuff I wasn't able to do when I was regularly playing football - going to different places, meeting different people and learning different life skills."
On an incident which occurred during a family holiday in France over the summer, Muamba added: "My defibrillator just kicked in for about 10 seconds, which I was told to be ready for.
"You can tell because it's like an electric shock and everything just stops for a second. You have to get yourself together and get going again.
"It kicked in and it confirms it is working well, which is safe."