Steve Harmison admits he still hasn't decided whether he will travel back to India for England's scheduled two-Test series.
Ever since England left India following the deadly terror attacks in Mumbai, Harmison and close friend Andrew Flintoff have been characterised as two of the players most unlikely to return to the sub-continent.
And the Durham paceman admits he will be making one of the biggest decisions of his career when he weighs up the ECB security report given later on Sunday.
Harmison explained in the Mail on Sunday: "As we prepare to make one of the biggest decisions of our careers this evening, it is sad to think that the England players here may not be remembered at the end of their career for what they did on the field as much as whether or not they went back to India."
Harmison insists he will not be frightened to stand alone and stay away, although he hinted that he has become more open to returning to India.
"Whatever we hear at our security briefing tonight in Abu Dhabi, I reserve the right to make my own decision to fly home on Monday if it is the right thing to do," he added.
"On the one shoulder a voice has been telling me: 'Stuff the terrorists. Get in there, play the Test and give it your best shot'," he said.
"Then the man on my other shoulder pipes up: 'Think about this. You are going into a country some are describing as a war zone. You've got a family and four kids. Is it right to put yourself at risk?'.
"Although I've still got a load of questions about the rights and wrongs of going back, on the balance of probabilities I reckon I will if the security report is positive."
The International Cricket Council have had to replace Asad Rauf with Billy Bowden as one of the umpires scheduled to stand in the first Test in Chennai.
Following Rauf's inability to secure a city-specific visa for the first of two matches, England and India will instead by officiated by Bowden - alongside Daryl Harper.