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Planning a Greek tragedy

Image: Kanu: horse play

Our Nigeria FanZoner has his own unique ideas for upsetting Greece in their Group B clash.

FanZoner Charlie Johnson horses around

The Nigeria team have a chance to re-ignite a World Cup that has had some drama but a depressing lack of goals. Is it the new ball? Well it could be but in every game I've watched the ball doesn't seem to do anything. It doesn't bend like modern footballs tend to, it just flies straight - straight out of play anyway. So on that point they shouldn't make a ball that flies straight? They should play with a ball that you get from the market for about a pound that has a very unpredictable trajectory. So you can line up a free kick and before you know it the wind catches the ball and you've scored a 70-yard own goal. That is what this World Cup lacks, ridiculous goals. This certainly would have prevented Robert Green's mistake, as with my ball that shot would have spun off and hit a fat man eating an ice-cream. There have been moments of drama; New Zealand scoring a last-minute equaliser had me on my feet, and North Korea getting a goal and proving themselves to be better technical footballers than England. Anyway back to Nigeria, although we played well against Argentina, clear-cut chances were as rare as a complete England passing move.
Hero
Vincent Enyeama proved himself a hero making an array of sublime saves from Lionel Messi, and will probably earn himself a big move to Wigan or Bolton. What did surprise me was that every single throw in was a foul throw, which is impressive. Maybe check to see if Rory Delap has any Nigerian relations and see if they can't solve their throw in problems that way... Foul throws or not though nobody, other than myself, really expected Nigeria to beat Argentina and so that proved to be. Now Greece are an altogether different proposition. They might struggle to get a throw in, let alone a shot on goal. They surprised the world in 2004 by winning the European Championship, but since they don't appear to have changed their tactics. Greece do however have Sotoris Kyrgiakos of Liverpool who looks like a character from Homer's odyssey. A towering cliff of a man with the face of a Greek hero, fortunately for Nigeria he plays more like Carlton Palmer as opposed to Zeus, who was rather a decent holding midfield player in his day.
Hulk
I really fancy Nigeria for the win here, I know I said that before the Argentina game but that was just smack talk in the style of Hulk Hogan in an attempt to unsettle Messi, Veron and co. It didn't work but Nigeria have a great chance, and my suggestion is 'Trojan Horse tactic'. At half time leave a giant horse in the middle of the pitch which the Greeks will drag to their goal-line thinking it will provide excellent defensive cover, but with 90 minutes on the clock out jumps Kanu who knocks the ball into the roof of the net much to the confusion of everyone. There might be paperwork and logistic problems with this tactic, but there has already been a giant dung beetle, why not a giant horse? Also, I know it was the Trojans not the Greeks who fell into the horse trap but it's about time for some revenge. I somehow doubt that a man as straight-laced and boring looking as Lars Lagerback will have the where with all to attempt such a thing, though. Maybe Diego Maradona could. In all seriousness, though, a win here and an Argentina win against South Korea and that final group game is really going to matter. An early goal tomorrow and I'll be dancing on the ceiling. Come on you Super Eagles let's make this another Greek tragedy.

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